I was strolling on 19th Avenue waiting for a cab to swoop me to my holiday party. Hey! Here comes one!!! "Oh great," I think as I see the --- Cab on side of the car as it stops. Funny, the cab stops right at on top of the bus stop border in the street.  Even more telling is that the cab doesn't move as a bus moves up…to claim its rightful place. Finally the cab moves. I get in. Listen. I got nothing against immigrants, but I would hope that speaking English is a requirement to drive a cab in the United States. Apparently not. 

HE ASKS:     Where you want go?
I RESPOND:     California and Divisadero, please.
HE ASKS:     Where’s that?
Good Lord! The party is in full swing and I don't have time to wait for another cab. He tries to punch the street names into the GPS. 
HE ASKS:     How spell? 
I RESPOND:     Listen, just go up 19th and take a right on Lincoln." 
HE ASKS:     Where Lincoln?
Are you *****ing me? My next hopeful requirement of a cabbie is that they have a driver’s license and/or had some kind of drivers’ training.  In conclusion, I’ve managed to acquire the employee training manual for --- Cab. Here are some highlights:  1) Play Kramer's Movie phone with the customer.  After 3 explanations from the customer of their destination, simply ask, "Why don't you just tell me how to get there"
2) When you see a red light, speed up 50 meters before and then slam on the brakes at the intersection.  3) When the car drifts to either side, apply swift and hard force in the opposite direction on the steering wheel creating a swerving motion. This will ensure that your customer gets bruised on any protuberances in the cab.  4) When you are turning right at a busy intersection and the light is green, stop at the intersection.  Yes, that's right, stop on a green light.  If you don't hear horns behind you, you have not stopped at the green light long enough.  5) When you "think" you are at the customer's destination, keep driving.  If you hear, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ****WAD, THIS IS MY STREET!" from the back of the cab, you are not doing your job correctly. 6) If you hear, "PULL OVER HERE. RIGHT HERE. HERE! HERE!  ****, CAN YOU HEAR ME UP THERE?  THIS IS IT!  PULL OVER ****FACE!"  This means you should stop for the customer.  Also, when you stop, do not pull to the curb.  You must stop your cab in the middle of the street.  When doing so, turn around and ask the customer, "Oh? right here?"  Look dumb. It's charming.  7)  If a customer does not tip you, you should immediately inquire as to such.  8) If a customer demands to see your driver's license and cab license (See the cab phrase book for, "YOU ****ER, THIS IS THE *****IEST CAB SERVICE EVER - I WANT YOUR LICENSE NUMBER!), don't present it because he/she don't really want to see it, they are simply trying to make conversation because they like you and had such a good ride!

AUTHOR NOTE: I hope I never have the misfortune to pick-up this person.

I call this cab. I have an appointment (the cab has to wait about 3 minutes for me to get downstairs [and] my room mate is in the cab), as most people do during the day. So I am going to check out a university, I know the address because not only did the person I made the appointment with give me the address but I check on the website…for the map. We get into the cab. I tell the cab driver the address. He asks me to spell the street, so I tell him…He tells me the address does not exist (in his GPS system) I am dumbfounded and then say well can you check the spelling? He says he got it right. So I tell him what neighborhood it is in, he refuses to go anywhere. We sit in his cab for 15 minutes with him refusing to go anywhere, and his meter on! While me [sic] room mate is calling "411" and giving him the address. Nothing. He continues to argue and make us feel like idiots…I then call the cab company and step outside the cab (voices echo in the cab and my room mate is on his phone and talking to the cab driver) I talk to a supervisor, the supervisor tells me that he does not understand what my problem is. I tell him he is refusing to move or drive even though the address I gave him is right, and he can not find it on his GPS system. This supervisor then tells me well as long as you are sitting in the car he has to charge you, and then ask me why I am standing outside the car. I say to speak to you about this. He then says: What are you complaining about? You called a cab he showed up, he has to charge you. I say, yes! However he is refusing to take us where we need to go because he can not find it! Even though, I told him the neighborhood. He then says you called a cab, sir! I said yes, but the reason people call a cab is to get somewhere, he is refusing to "get me somewhere because he says the address does not exist". The supervisor then goes on and on with the same stuff about him not understanding why I called to complain…I get into the car, and wait for the cab driver to talk to the supervisor, the cab driver tells the supervisor he waited outside for us for 20 minutes…not true, he then says "well if he would have asked me nicely I would have stopped the meter" he I think is caught in his He and his supervisor continue to call us idiots for not knowing the address when we get into a cab (You can hear the supervisor because the earpiece is loud) and they continue to complain about us while the cab driver is now finally driving. See if the cab driver waited outside for 20 minutes then why, would I have to ask him to turn off the meter? What while I was upstairs and he was waiting? Finally he starts driving, we get to the address and I say stop! (mind you, the cab driver is talking crap the entire time to us about not giving him the right address) So I yelled Stop! I point to the street sign, and it says on the sign the street I told him, then I notice on the building in very large letters THE ADDRESS I gave him (that he told me did not exist and I had to pay for because I had to get to this appointment and was already late) He apologizes and I do the yeah look see thing to him. I then a few days later call for a cab.